Month: September 2023
Communication: What?
This post is the third in a series around the C’s of leadership, featuring a different Leadership C with each new post. Whether you lead a corporation, a church, a department, a classroom, or a family, HOW you lead has enormous impact on those you lead.
As someone in ministry, I spend a LOT of time thinking about Communication. Any leader today can tell you, it doesn’t matter how many times you announce something or how many different communication channels you choose (email, text, social media post, etc.), lots of people you want to reach will complain they never got the information. It’s maddening! And, good luck finding a solution to the problem.
But I think the most important communication channel a leader can use is face to face and one on one… Although, obviously, you’ll never reach thousands of people that way… But maybe you don’t need to. People listen so much better when they have a personal connection to someone. And people listen best when they know they have been listened to.
I’m a spiritual director and have also been trained in coaching and both of those trainings remind me that listening is far more important than speaking. Spiritual Director, professor, and author, Diane Millis, writes of the need to “listen [another’s] soul into discovery and disclosure.” We “listen” others into understanding. The most powerful teaching, coaching and spiritual companioning begins with questions; thoughtful questions that prod people to go deeper.
Communication that begins with listening always requires us to give our undivided attention. Nowadays, we all try to multi-task… which is, by the way, a neurological impossibility. “Multi-tasking” is really just rapid task switching and, in truth, the more frequently we “task switch,” the less effective we become. (By the way, I’m preaching to the choir here!)
One of the things I’m curious about in years to come is “what will happen to church sermons?” Personally, I think sermons will go the way of dinosaurs. Talking “at” people isn’t real communication. If we want to really connect, we’ll need to communicate well… and communication is always dialogical and it always begins with listening.
My bottom-line is this: If you really want what you are communicating to get through, begin with authentic listening that leads to understanding. Begin with questions that encourage deeper thinking, invite questions, maintain dialogue not monologue.
If you’d like to try out “church” in a format designed to be more dialogical, that “holds space” for others to enter the conversation, I want to invite you to a new online gathering I’m launching on Oct. 11. See the details below:
A PLACE FOR YOU – An online Gathering, Beginning the week of October 8
Is the way church gathers together not the right fit for you? Would you like to join an experiment in something different?
WHAT: a six-week online gathering to forge community, incorporating:
· dialogue and in-depth study of bible stories
· varied prayer practices
· gratitude and celebration
WHY: because maybe:
· a “message” doesn’t have to be a sermon
· prayer is more than words
· gratitude and celebration aren’t limited to an offering plate
WHO: Those interested in exploring different approaches to Christian community
WHEN: Wednesday evenings at 6:30 p.m., beginning October 11 and concluding Nov. 15. We’ll dialogue together about where/how to proceed from there.
If you are interested, email tracey.leslie@inumc.org
Courage: Don’t be the Cowardly Lion
This post is the second in a series around the C’s of leadership, featuring a different Leadership C with each new post. Whether you lead a corporation, a church, a department, a classroom, or a family, HOW you lead has enormous impact on those you lead.
Compassion (my first post) is the most important leadership C, but courage ranks pretty high as well. I read once, long ago (and have often said to staff) that “Compliments should go down the chain of command and criticisms/complaints should go up the chain of command… That’s why I get paid the big bucks” (keep in mind, I work for the church, so “big bucks” is relative!). Sure, ideally, we should all be responsible for our own actions and work. But, if you are the leader, you have an ultimate level of responsibility and that’s why leadership takes courage. Things that go wrong make people angry… at YOU… even if you weren’t the one who did it… whatever IT was. And that’s why leadership takes courage. Leaders lacking in courage can’t really lead. When a tough decision needs to be made they flip flop, put it on someone else, procrastinate, or give in to whatever is popular at the moment (even if it will be counterproductive in the long run). That’s because an unpopular decision often makes the leader unpopular and, let’s face it, we all like to be liked. I think this is even harder in today’s world where people have lost their filters. Discretion is now out of fashion. Make an unpopular decision and some of your staff/constituents/volunteers will register their complaint not with you, but via social media. Now, you’re not just unpopular at the office; you’re unpopular in the “surround sound” of cyberspace!
So, how do we call forth the courage we need to make the right decisions even if they are unpopular? In secular terms, I guess it would be called ego-strength. But, I’m a Christian leader, so I think the answer lies in trust.
My favorite Hebrew scripture comes from Psalm 131.
This picture is my mother and me on mom’s 40th birthday. Do you notice how content we both look?
My mom was born for motherhood. She was always happy to have me around… OK, at least most of the time! And I never felt safer and more content than when I was on my mother’s lap. Unlike a nursing baby, by the time I was eight, I didn’t sit on mom’s lap because I needed anything. I didn’t need any “thing.” I only needed her. Being with her always felt safe and satisfying… as if time had stopped and there was nothing else except my being with her. Now I want to note: I realize my childhood was an exception and many kids aren’t so fortunate as to be raised by parents who cherished them. But, God always cherishes each of us and that’s where our courage comes from! We can behave with courage when we know that – wherever we are – we are resting on the lap of our heavenly mother who loves us and keeps us. That doesn’t mean my feelings never get hurt or that life doesn’t suck sometimes. It just means that my popularity or approval from others can’t define me. I can snuggle up on God’s lap no matter where I am or what’s going on at the moment. Humility, vulnerability, and the courage to lead well are grounded in our trust in God’s care.
The C’s of Leadership: Compassion
This post begins a series around the C’s of leadership, featuring a different Leadership C with each new post. Whether you lead a corporation, a church, a department, a classroom, or a family, HOW you lead has enormous impact on those you lead.
I have long thought I’d like to write a book called The C’s of Leadership. But, having already published one book, I’m aware that:
- It’s tons and tons of work, and
- Unless you’re famous, you won’t make any money from it!
Blogging seems easier and more cost effective. So, in the coming weeks, I’m going to blog about my favorite leadership C’s.
I think the most essential leadership “C” is Compassion. We’ve all worked for incompetent supervisors and, admittedly, it is beyond frustrating and annoying. Still, even worse than incompetence is an utter lack of compassion. As humans, we desperately need compassion (you might also call it mercy or empathy). Compassion (even simple decency or kindness) seems to be in short supply in our world today. We need compassion because we’re human… which means we’re flawed and vulnerable… which often leads to feelings of shame and fear… which often leads to competition, polarization, and demonization. Few things trickle down to destroy an organization more than a lack of compassion at the top. Empathy and patience are learned. When those at the top of an organization fail to model compassion, the entire organization evolves into a dog-eat-dog domain. The fear (fed by competition, polarization, and demonization) that a lack of compassion spawns activates our reptilian brain making it impossible for us to be creative, confident, effective and efficient… not to mention, collaborative. When employees or volunteers lose the ability to be creative, confident, effective, efficient and collaborative, it’s “game over” in an organization.
When you show me compassion, I know I matter to you as a human being, first and foremost. Knowing I am valued leads to a sense of security that fuels creativity and collaboration. I can take risks, thereby exploring new ideas and making new discoveries that lead to growth.
| When you show me compassion, I know I matter to you… I can take risks, thereby exploring new ideas and making new discoveries that lead to growth. |
In scripture, God’s response to people is consistently provoked by God’s compassion or mercy. (The Hebrew or Greek word can be translated into English as either compassion or mercy. But, I’m a big fan of alliteration and this blog post isn’t called the M’s of Leadership, so…) Notice how many times those seeking healing from Jesus make their appeal with a plea for mercy/compassion (Matt. 9:27; Matt. 15:22; Matt. 17:15; Matt. 20:30-31; Mark 10:47; Luke 18:38-39). Notice how frequently the Psalmists speak of God’s mercy (Psalm 23:6; Psalm 25:6; Psalm 40:11; Psalm 51:1; Psalm 69:16; Psalm 119:77; Psalm 123:3, etc.). In fact, the first time God self-describes in scripture (Exodus 34:6), “merciful” is the first adjective God employs: (NRS) Exodus 34:6 The LORD passed before [Moses], and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness…” Mercy or compassion is used to describe God so frequently, it’s as if it’s God’s middle name!
I suppose there are some leaders who think demonstrating compassion will look weak and cause their direct reports to become lazy and sloppy. But, being compassionate isn’t the same as being a pushover. There’s strength and integrity in being able to say through words and actions, “You matter to me. I want you to do your best AND be your best and I’m willing to provide the support you need to be your best.”
If we want to lead as disciples of Jesus, no leadership C is as important as Compassion.
traceyleslie 